Sometimes I think if I could skip eating and going to the bathroom – I’d have more time to do other stuff. Stuff that’s gotten neglected because Kaleb’s average nap time these days is about half an hour……
I thought, I hoped and secretly prayed the day we introduced solid foods to him at 6 months, THINGS would be different: I would get more than 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep – I would have a chance to finally finish my thank you cards from my baby shower – I could maintain order in the house – I could call some friends – I could squeeze a yoga workout in – I could WRITE and submit stuff to be published like I was doing while I was pregnant – I could wash my hair…..oh the dreams kept piling and my expectations of the moment solids first hit the lining of his bottomless pit kept growing…until the moment came and…..
Well, not immediately anyway. You may have noticed that I am indeed writing right now (dishes undone and, uhm, some other stuff). I’ve even gotten the chance to make some pressing phone calls and still he sleeps. It’s been over an hour. I have to pinch myself.
Every once in a while I do get the gift of time. It didn’t happen right away but sometimes now I get an hour or (gulp) two! to spend any way i wish.
Don’t get me wrong, please, I love being Kaleb’s mother. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. I always dreamed that no matter how high-powered my career would be (which ended up more on the caring side instead of the high-powered one), I would spend the earliest, most formative years of my kids’ lives molding their silly-putty little brains into the musical, mathematical, analytical, eloquent and charming geniuses they would become. The world needs some heroes and I was determined to produce them.
Now, though – I’m thinking – maybe….that’s a little too much pressure to put on a 7-month old child. Maybe we could just just start by going to our developmental playgroup and making some art.
Maybe it’ll be enough that my son is a good, happy person that cares about others. Maybe that’ll be enough to make him a hero to somebody and it doesn’t have to be to everybody. I mean – if a person like Obama can’t be a hero to everybody – an open-minded, intellectual risen from the depths of food stamps and a racist society – it just shows there are too many everybodys to satisfy them all.
And speaking of Obama – during the Democratic Convention they aired a documentary that talked about Obama’s mama – an outside the home worker – and how she used to get up at 4 in the morning with him to go over his studies.
4 in the morning.
I guess she wasn’t breastfeeding every two hours but still! I had to dig myself out from under this particular inferiority complex by realizing that I’m doing the best I can – Kaleb and I go to school three days a week. He has his little backpack with all his “learning tools” – maracas, bells, streamers, spiders on a stick – you know, the usual.
We read, we sing songs, we do tummy time but now it looks more like table time since he is preparing to crawl.
I do more stuff for him than anyone else in my life and I was gratified to hear, from actually my mother – who loves him like crazy and has plenty of baby experience – that he wasn’t an easy baby. Really? How could I know? I don’t have anyone to compare him to.
I was going to throw in another slideshow of “firsts” but I don’t want to overwhelm anyone with cuteness so be on the lookout for another blog soon (nap willing, that is!)